he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
