"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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