I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
