I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
