It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
