i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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