when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So squirting runs in the family.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
