I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize