I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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