So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
