Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
