2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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