Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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