There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
