Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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