She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
