You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They took my balls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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