in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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