ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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