Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
