yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
4 words: hood of his car
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
