i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
