Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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