I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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