ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
