Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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