Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
