i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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