So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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