Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize