Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
