I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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