I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
