Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
