im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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