All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
