I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize