YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
