this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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