do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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