Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
