I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
third nipple confirmed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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