Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
