totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
