So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
