Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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