Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Randomize
