Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
