she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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