You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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