I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
