Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
