I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
