the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
