I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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