where am i from again
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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