Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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