I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
