Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
