I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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