What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
