I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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