i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
