Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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