My friends, they love my intelligence
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize