Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
