I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
